commitment and routines

things i like about life:

1. reading a book. not just the time spent actually reading those pages, but how the act of reading changes my perspective on the rest of the day. if i am invested in a book, i find my days are more peaceful. i think reading gives me a filter for my thoughts and help them to be more continuous and less disjointed.

2. being underneath lots of blankets.

3. watching criminal minds with at nighttime with nick and hearing him make continuous references to dead bodies during the day.

4. my literature classes.

5. the weather, the colorful leaves, the scent of fall.

6. being able to go to work everyday.

7. email conversations with friends.

8. trips to visit friends and to go to weddings.

9. learning more about writing and the ups and downs of that act; gaining understanding about things i have experienced for years.

10. cocoa krispies for breakfast.

 

sometimes people ask me what has been going on in my life and my response is “work, school, relationships. you know, nothing too exciting, just the normal every-day life stuff.” and that’s true. my life does consist of those routines and every-day actions that everyone else experiences, as well. but i think i tend to overlook all the neat little things i experience throughout my days, even if they’re not huge things, like – I lost my left index finger today! (that didn’t actually happen, and i don’t know if i would classify that as “neat.”)

these little things, like making my lunch for the next day, making my bed in the morning, doing laundry, washing dishes, throwing away a piece of trash-these are all good acts. these are the things i have to do everyday in order to show respect to myself and to my environment, and i am learning to take joy in those little things.

i think what has been on my mind lately has been this feeling of routine and settling, in a way. i’m in school; i’m working. i’m planning on staying in canton for a while still, though i don’t know what exactly i will be doing during my days for the next few years. but there are these underlying acts to the day that set up the rhythm of life that i will have. and when i handle those things responsibly, i feel like the other things will slide into their places, as well, and become part of my rhythm.

these repetitive acts can seem mundane. and sometimes the things i enjoy most in my life are those mundane things. that i can do them is a sign of health, i believe. that i can see them as worth my time helps give me perspective on not rushing through my days. i think my view of my life is changing from the short- to long-term. and i don’t particularly think i had a really short-term view of life before. but in certain ways, it is becoming more long-term. like, i can see now that committing myself to a particular place and community and job and to certain relationships is actually something i would like to do. whereas before, i viewed those commitment steps as something that would happen several years down the road, after i “experienced” a bit more.

sometimes thoughts of commitment, whether that be to a place or a person, to buying a house or getting a dog or stepping into a career, make me really nervous. i would rather maintain a bit of freedom. i don’t want to be tied down, quite yet. but now, i’m beginning to see those things not as concepts of being tied-down but rather as choices that i can freely make. just as everyday i will continue to brush my teeth and shower and eat breakfast and dust my desk, there are other, larger concepts that will be foundational parts of my life. and as my perspective changes to view them as blessings and healthy commitments and good choices rather than things that will trap me or make me feel stuck, i can feel myself begin to breath a little easier. my step is a little lighter. i can begin to joyfully think of those choices and of my daily tasks, rather than dreading them and the sameness they can represent. and i can see the variations in the samenesses, too, which also gives me hope.

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