Intentionality and Unitasking

This morning in the shower, I squeezed out some conditioner into my hand and then looked down, surprised to find about four times the amount I actually needed. I realized I was completely absent. My shower routine was taking place without me being at all present in it; my mind was wandering off into many different directions, and in my absentmindedness, I squeezed the conditioner bottle too hard and for too.

I was reminded of this article which I had read about two years ago. In it, the author writes about his struggle to unitask rather than multitask, his reasons for making this change, and the benefits and difficulties he experiences along the way.

And then I remembered how important this had been to me. It was important, I believed, to be intentional about every action. To be present. To unitask rather than multitask. And I still do believe these things are important, but my actions don’t reflect that anymore. There are a lot of different factors that have fed into this gradual change in my behavior and the change from a stringent believer and adherent to unitasking to a believer yet nonadherent was slow, slippery, and almost indiscernible…until I found myself squirting globs of product all over the place.

I’ve read article upon article about the benefits of focusing on one thing, person, or task at a time. I’ve read about the attention problems that multitasking can foster. And yet on my resume, I take pride in being able to honestly say that, yes, I can multitask, and baby, I can do it well. I’m quick. I’m efficient. I can switch back and forth from a phone call to an email to a project like a crazed fly all over rotten fruit. And that’s what I feel like afterward—like I’ve feasted on rotten fruit. My mind will be whirring, my stomach will feel acidic, and my eyes will be glazed. But I still tote this ability of mine around and flash it in front of people, asking them to please, please notice this and utilize me. Mainly so I can make more money. So I can? What? Buy more books that I won’t have the time or attention-span to read? So I can buy a car that has more gadgets in it so I have more to do while I’m driving to and from my multitasking, ulcer causing job?

I’m being a little extreme. But really, I ask myself, why do I feel this sense of worthlessness if I don’t accomplish much during a day? Why do I feel less than if I don’t want to multitask and would rather, yes, just write this blog right now without also switching back and forth to different news stories, checking my email, drinking tea, eating an apple and responding to text messages.

There was a day (actually, there were days), back some months, where I would do one thing at a time. I would get less accomplished during my day, but the things and people I had invested in were more likely to flourish and remain in my mind. When I showered, I was intentional about that. I tried to not let my mind wander. When I was walking to class, I would focus on my steps and my muscles moving throughout my body. In class, I would take notes to remain engaged with the material, rather than daydreaming, as I did for about half of this past semester.

The thing that makes me feel wretched about all of this (well, there are several things, but here is one that seems to be a theme in my life as of late) is that I can speak about the good in being present and in being intentional and in taking time to do things rather than adhering to the western time dictum to rush and accomplish and above all, be busy. I can talk about those things and I understand them. But I don’t practice them. I rush from thing to thing, mainly because I feel I won’t have time to get to the next good thing. But I would rather view what is in front of me as the good thing, because that is what I have. I rush to pack my lunch so I can go to watch a movie with friends. But packing my lunch is important. It’s one of those rhythms in which I need to be invested; it’s an act of caring for myself and of caring for my environment. Watching that movie with my friends is important, but I know I’ll be more present if I’m not rushing.

Anyways. The point is—I miss unitasking. I don’t enjoy feeling rushed. And I really don’t enjoy knowing that the rushed feeling comes from within me. Thus the resolution to be made from the recognition is something along the lines of once again becoming aware of my attention and my mind and where those things are directed. That’s a good first step—to become more aware, and then change generally will come from that awareness.

(Also, A.J. Jacobs is a great writer [he wrote the article referenced above]. You should check out some more of his stuff.)

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